Long Lost

Cassie laughed with Ben, as he created his antics and wild impressions across the barren stretched lawn of the field. The golden hour had set moments ago, with the horizon blanketing the picnic display and the two lovers with warm glow. The sweet smell of pollen and sap trees wafted strong through the serene breeze, and Cassie sat with her legs tucked to her side on the picnic blanket. Her true and contagious laugh married with the breeze as she began to characteristically clap her hands.

“That is exactly what he sounded like! That was great,” she said to Ben as he continued his impression without poise as he laughed with her.

Ben paused his antics and met her deep hazel eyes with his soft brown. His hands fallen to his sides, and smile still present, he stood and marveled at her smile. His contentment was fulfilled as he gazed at her; the softest golden blonde hair, complimented with the glowing light, and the biggest buttoned white shirt that fell to her knees. She was an angel in disguise. You could see all of those feelings in that simple look he gave her, all in his eyes.

“It’s soooo disgusting! Honestly you call THIS edible??,” he amplified through gestures and a mock voice. His hands swung around as he stomped and acted.

Cassie’s laugh only became more intense as they remembered their previous night at the fancy dinner with their friends. They came from posh and poised, while Ben and Cassie’s upbringing was of privilege, not snobbery.

Coming down from her laugh and still smiling, Cassie exhaled her response, “It’s one of my favorite things about you.”

He tested her statement with a teasing, “Oh really?”

Cassie, still smiling, gazed at his entire self; to his masculine and tall form, standing next to the blanket with a background of the single large sap tree, and the black hair that engulfed the sunlight. She answered his loving face with confidence and gentleness.

“Well,” she began, “my favorite thing about you is your love. Then it’s your smile, with your lips. Of course it’s also your eyes, and then it’s your security. Then it’s your kindness and joy, and then it’s your passions. It’s your humor accompanied with your occasional tease. It’s your hugs and your warmth. Of course, it’s also your presence. It’s the way you make me feel like I’m not alone anymore, it’s the way you always make me happy.”

Ben hadn’t moved when she had started. Standing in the same frozen place, he keened to listen to her confession.

She continued to sit and look at him, their distance only a few feet apart. He could easily step two strides to touch her, and make himself real.

Tears involuntarily filled her eyes. They hadn’t moved, and hadn’t broken eye contact. The only change was the sun, that had set itself away for another day, and left the sky in slowly darkening blue. The baby blue was turning navy as the sunset colors drifted away. The breeze had disappeared, and with it the sweet smells. The smells that took it’s place were of cold night, dewy watery nature.

“If only you were real,” Cassie whispered to Ben, not moving a single inch, just like he didn’t.

Ben’s brow furrowed, and his stiff muscles moved again. He took the two strides to reach her, now concerned for her tears, no longer thinking they were of endearment. He sat beside her, confusion and longing overtaking his features. Desperately he wondered what she meant.

So he softly said, “What do you mean? I’m right here.”

Cassie’s frown shook as the welled tears grew heavier. Her eye contact still strong but blurred. She could only gaze at him as she didn’t move a muscle.

Ben repeated, “I’m right here.”

She blinked a few times and breathed in a slow breath, refusing to sob. She knew if she sobbed she’d only cause alarm with her loudness, and she knew that she’d long for comfort even more.

“No Ben. No your not here,” she whispered to him. Hands clasped tightly in her lap.

“I don’t understand,” he said, still wavered in his voice, confused with her words.

Cassie sniffed in a tear running nose, which sparked a mere conscience as she grasped more reality.

“You left. You left me, and our friends. You saved me, and then you left. You left with a goodbye for you, and pain for me. You’re not here. Your not present everyday anymore,” tears streamed down Cassie’s cheeks as she spoke. Every blink she tried to clear her blurry eyes with released more.

“You came and you made me feel loved. You made us all feel happy and loved. You were the first time I didn’t feel lonely. You were my excitement and my hero. You made me learn to love myself, and you made me love you,” she said to him in as steady a voice she could.

“The only reason I could continue each day, was to know you were there. I knew you’d be present. I knew I could talk to you about anything and you would listen,” she told him, now gaining some stable speaking, and tears slowing down.

“You’re not here. You moved on and left me. We never argued, and we never agreed you’d leave. We both knew, that one day, would be your last. I was just never prepared enough to lose you. I was so unfamiliar with happiness until you showed me. I finally wasn’t lonely. Until you left,” Cassie concluded, whispering the last part.

Ben stared at her, and she couldn’t predict his thoughts. She refused to give up eye contact, in case the vision left when she looked away. In case he left.

Ben presented his hand to her, and she took it without hesitation. He stood and guided her up with him. They both stood and looked at each other.

The sun suddenly reappeared as it rose from the west. Peculiarly turning back its own time. The golden hour returned and drowned out the settling navy blue.

The standing couple were painted in the gold again, Cassie with her face teared, and Ben with his neutral and understanding. He reached to grab Cassie’s other hand, and held them both in his much larger ones. Slowly, he brought the hands towards him, and released them to give her a hug.

His strong arms wrapped around her back as he securely held her. His chin gently set on top of her head as his height just equalled. She leaned her head into his chest and turned towards the rising sunset. Her arms wrapped tightly around his back as she held on for that warmth and security.

They both knew that she was staining his white tee with her silent tears, but neither said anything. They simply felt the presence of the other person, never letting go.

Cassie closed her eyes for the first time against Ben’s chest, breathing in and slowly opening them again, where her position changed to lying flat on her back as she stared at the textured white ceiling. Dried tears were on her face, making her skin tight. Suddenly, she was alone, and familiar with her bedroom surroundings as the early morning light streamed through.

She was hit with her reality, and the fact that their was no warmth, or security, or presence of anyone. Loneliness hit her with such force, it felt like her chest had a boulder sent through it.

Still, she got up and looked in the mirror at her puffy eyes. Cassie wiped away the fresh and old tears that surfaced the entirety of her face, and moved into the bathroom.

She began to get ready for her sorrowful day. With no confidence or care in her look, her dulled appearance made it’s way to her car, where she proceeded to silently go on another day without Ben.